


Tabula Rasa

by komarovii



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Supernatural Elements, i'm writing this as i go so tags may change over time, that's the major character death, yes adrien is dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-31 04:57:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21077852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komarovii/pseuds/komarovii
Summary: Luka's dream is to become a musician, but his heart isn't his own and it comes with a price.





	Tabula Rasa

It was this pain in his chest that spurred him awake. Had his heart been split open at the core and turned inside out or had it been flipped over and set a blazed with oil that replaced the flow of his blood? Luka did not know. All he saw was white, but his body levitated like a shipwreck trying to stay afloat, its vessel filling with black acid that tainted his soul and set fire to his organs. He opened his eyes, pulling his body up from the hospital bed. The large lump in his chest beat in a syncopated rhythm, causing the cavern in his chest to creak and ache. He held his hand over his chest. 

Luka’s heart wasn’t his own.

He staggered to the window sill, flashing the curtains open and letting the sun soak his indoor paled skin. The world through the looking glass was as if he had lost himself in a fishbowl as it sat beside a rectangular painting. The paint stroke of green against a tree, or how the sky dusted its age in white. Grabbing a hold of his hospital robe that swaddled his chest, Luka turned away from the window. “Luka, you’re up already?” His gaze faltered. Juleka was standing at the doorway, steam pressed squares of clothing in her arms. Black jeans, a blue blazer, a black oversized sweater, and a Jagged Stone printed t-shirt: the cotton against his skin felt foreign to his body.

He ignored this as he found Juleka waiting for him outside his hospital room. “Did you happened to bring my—?” Before he could finish his sentence, Juleka held a guitar case up to him. His eyes gleamed for the first time in months as he held the guitar in his hands. “Finally, I can start playing again. Maybe I can even join a band.”

“Mom said not to get too carried away” Juleka warned. She tried to reach for the guitar again, but Luka shook her off, slugging the guitar strap over his shoulder. A sigh escaped her as she mumbled to herself, following closely behind him. 

“Sure, sure” he assured her, but she shook her head.

“You’re not listening.”

“I am.” He softly smiled at her, “I know you’re both worried about me.” He trudged his body out of the hospital with Juleka at his side, offering her support in case he needed it. The air was cold as people smoked their breaths to the sky like burnt out cigarettes. His spine chilled when a pair of gazing eyes locked onto him from across the street. A man who seemed to be around his age, whose golden locks came in waves, obscured his vision. He was pretty, and for some reason, Luka recognized him. He lifted his head as the green glow in his eyes pierced his heart. Large, guarded eyes narrowed like a cat’s, that sent daggers to his heart as if they were trying to unlock memories in his mind that he did not have. Although he was across the street, Luka could see his dark circles smudge his lower eyelids like charcoal.

“Luka, hey! Luka!”

Luka jerked his head back, glancing back at Juleka with brows raised. “What is it?”

“Are you alright?” she asked. He turned back and noticed the man had disappeared. His jaw lowered a little, as he tried to figure out the words to say.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” was all he could say. Keeping his chest warm with the palm of his hand, Luka strode the streets to return to his apartment. “Thanks for seeing me home, Juleka.”

“Mom preferred you to stay at home until you get back on your feet.”

“We got here just fine, don’t you think? Let me call you a taxi to make sure you get home safe.”

“There’s no need. I’m not a little girl anymore.” She turned around to leave, but before she left, she turned her head and glanced at him from her shoulder. “We’ll see you this weekend, right? I’m bringing Rose over.”

“Of course. I’ll see you then, but feel free to come over anytime.”

“Okay. Be safe, Luka. I’ll text you when I get home.” She waved goodbye and he watched her leave before turning back to face his apartment door. Turning the key, his home became Wonderland and he, Alice, who fell into the rabbit hole. The unfamiliar aroma of coffee filled the room with new paint. The pearl walls, each like a new canvas, had dust collected in rectangles as the picture frames of his old life had accompanied him to the hospital, only to be relocated back at his mother’s house. It was like he had lost himself ever since his operation and there were zero pieces in this puzzle to fit together. All like broken glass, the cracks becoming the lost feelings in his memories as nothing was his to hold. Had he attempted to attain these emotions, he felt a sharp pain, letting it slip through his fingers and disappear into the abyss. This lone pain buried in his heart, stirring in him as if he was forced to create something new in the stain glass windows of his body but too scared, too fragile, to walk the eggshells and try.

He picked up his guitar, as he slouched himself onto the couch. He needed to recollect himself. His fingers brushed against the keys, the drawn out notes tickling his ears. A sigh slipped passed his lips, his body finally starting to relax. He hummed to himself, trying to think of a melody. “This is an apartment that gives off the feeling of a home. It’s nice.”

The voice came in like smoke and the shock racked Luka, scratching the string and coursing his ears like nails on a chalkboard. His gaze shot up and caught site of the familiar man from the street. He seemed more normal than before, as his skin glowed and the ruffles of fluffy hair parted to the side of his forehead, revealing his young but defined face. He smiled at him in a bashful, childlike way. “I heard the girl before she left, so your name is Luka, right?”

Luka could have _ sworn _ he locked the door and the only spiral of sensation that shocked him into reality was the echoing of the off-note key that continued to ring in his ears. He wasn’t able to register the stranger in his house was a friend or foe and it forced his mind into a frenzy. “Who are you? What the hell are you doing in my apartment?” he questioned as he tried to find his composure. He took a deep breath, before putting his guitar down. He gazed back at the man who smiled like a cat, feeling no sense of animosity towards him.

“My name was Adrien.” Familiar. That’s why he looked so familiar. It was Adrien Agreste. _ The _ Adrien Agreste. The face of Gabriel’s fashion line ever since he was thirteen years old. He was in commercials and television series, he was always the show runner in fashion shows, his ads were all over Paris. He was famous!

He also died tragically in an accident earlier that year. Luka’s brow raised suspiciously, “You just said _ was _.”

“That’s right.”

Luka’s mouth fell agape, but quickly his emotions took over as the stranger struck a nerve with him. “I’m sorry. I don’t care what kind of game you’re trying to pull on me, but you need to have more respect for the dead” he declared. He waved his hand side to side as if he was swatting hot air, before he gestured it to the door, “I don’t know how you in here, but you need to leave.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“Like hell you are” Luka retaliated. He thrusted his hands forward in order to push the other out the door. Adrien shifted his body fluidly, forcing Luka to swing his arm back and try to reach out to him, but it was futile when his hands went through Adrien’s body. Unable to stop the momentum of his body, Luka tumbled forward, his body meeting with the hard surface of his countertop. The clattering of silverware and crinkling of plastic resounding against his eardrums. Blinking, Luka gazed up in search for the strange intruder. His jaw found the counter, his chin rubbing side to side against the marbled surface, as he shook his head in disbelief.

With Adrien stood before him with a bare face, his marbled green eyes were fading in color depicting the contrast of his blond hair like an abyss drilling a hole into a blank canvas, swishing the paint of the entire green spectrum until it turned pure noir. Luka’s eyes faltered like a ray of stars as his eyes drifted to the other’s body. His translucent body was undeniable as he stood inside the countertop, his chest meshing with coffee maker and box of lotus biscoff biscuits that had long gone expired. Unfazed by his reaction, Adrien crossed his arms, his voice echoing as if it was eons away from the other’s ears. “We need to talk.”

“What … the hell?” Luka’s voice scratched the linings of his throat, exasperated from the other’s sudden appearance. His gaze fell on Adrien again who smiled softer this time. The color in his eyes slowly game back, like fireflies lighting the night. His gaze lowered. Had Luka held any incredulity left, it had left him the moment he tried to reach for Adrien. His hands slid right through his like a wisp of smoke. Luka took a step back, straightening himself as his hands fell to his sides. His heart twinged at how sad his smile was. Adrien leaned in closer, forcing Luka to retreat back and hold his breath.

“I’m here to examine where my heart had gone.”

“What?” He continued to veer back while his vision faded to black. His body felt the coldness of the wooden floor and the darkness consumed him like a starless, winter night. In his final moments of wake, Luka couldn’t help but compare his previous life to the next. Yet Adrien’s voice was echoing, as if he heard him under the depths of the Pacific Ocean. Luka’s eyelids compressed against his eyes as an induced like state kept him from opening them. His phone was vibrating against the wooden floor, pulling him back to reality. With his head spinning, he turned to look at his phone. It was Juleka, telling him she made it home safe. With a few taps of his finger, he put his phone back down, a sigh slipping passed his lips. His gaze fluttered to the ceiling, his eyes piercing into Adrien’s as he hovered above him. “This can’t be happening…” he gasped as a sharp pain in his chest spurred, the red blood cells tap dancing within the four chambers of his heart.

“Well, it’s more like I came to you in an unconventional way and you’re helping me out.”

“I don’t understand.” Adrien sat next to Luka, his legs crossed as he sat on his dusted caramel floors. With an elbow resting on his knee, Adrien hid his mouth behind the palm of his hand, his eyes peering over at Luka.

“Think of it this way, someone has come into your life in an unexplained way. You can’t describe it or why it simply is, but he came to you for some assistance because you’re the only one who can.”

“It’s not that, helping you is the problem. Rather, this is unheard of to begin with.”

“You can stay skeptical! That’s fine too, but you’d have to go through your whole life appearing as if you’re talking to yourself. People might think you’re crazy and you won’t be able to live the life you’ve always wanted, right? That doesn’t sound too fun, does it?” His cocky way of speaking took Luka back. Was this _ really _ Adrien Agreste? Shy, charming, seemingly awkward Adrien Agreste? The shadows that painted his eyelids like a worn down raccoon gave his eyes more depth of green like a black cat prowling in the middle of the night. _ The devil _. Rather than a ghost, he acted like a child-like devil.

“Alright” Luka sighed as he unglued himself from the floor. “But what do you want me to assist you with?”

Adrien’s eyes beamed with hope as the corners of his mouth pulled into an excited smile. Luka couldn’t help but smile back at his change in character. That seemed to be a face that suited him more. “It’s about this girl.”

“Why don’t you see her? Ghosts can transport wherever they want, right? You can see this person yourself.”

“And do what? Blow wisps of air at her? My energy will be nothing more than a feather brushing against her skin.” Luka watched as Adrien observed his own hands before he got up and walked towards the window of his apartment. His gaze was drawn to the outdoors that drenched in saturated colors. “Did you know? Most of my life, despite being able to be a model or even an actor, I was forced to stay indoors. My father hated me being out where he can’t see me. Now I’m in this form. If I move on, I don’t know where I’ll go from here. If there’s a Heaven, what would it be like? Will there be a Hell and is there even the slightest that I’ll go there instead? Or would there be nothing, that this moment with whatever you can call left this life, will be doused in black? That I would stand as I am right now, surrounded by darkness for all eternity where no one will see my face or hear my voice.” He lowered his distance on the window, barely touching the frame to prevent himself from falling through. His hand found the glass, his fingertips air kissing the invisible sheen of the two-sided like mirror. A scoff escaped his lips as he lowered his head. “Well, it’s almost no different from now.”

Adrien shifted his body, his stare going over his shoulder as his eyes aligned with Luka. He offered a small smile, the curve of his lips broken and cracked under the force. “I don’t know what will happen to me. All I know is that she won’t be there when I go.” Like staring into a fishbowl, Luka saw through the meaning behind Adrien’s small upturn of the lips as the light flickered in his eyes. “But I don’t care where I go,” he told Luka, “There’s only one thing I want to do before then and you can help me.”

Luka’s brows raised again, his lips thinned as he grimaced what Adrien possibly had under his sleeve. “And what would that be?”

“There was this girl. She’s absolutely beautiful, mind you. She was my crush in high school, but I don’t know if it was ever mutual. You have my heart, let it fall in love so I can experience a mutual love before I go.”

Luka jumped to his feet. “That’s obviously pushing it! Are you out of your mind?!”

“Why? You don’t have anyone you’re dating right now do you?”

“No, but that’s not the problem. You can’t just make people fall in love. To even begin to make this work, would have to—” Adrien caressed the younger’s shoulder, staring him soulfully in the eyes. Luka’s eyes widen at how light the touch was, how it was truly a simple wisp of air.

“Come on, you’re the only shot I’ve got.” He was torn. It didn’t make sense; it couldn’t make sense. Everything that had to do with logic had been thrown at the window. Even if it did, the stakes were too high. He couldn’t possibly just fall in love with a stranger. He glanced at his guitar that was back on the couch. But on the other hand, without Adrien’s heart, he wouldn’t have had this second chance. Maybe he could be Adrien’s second chance. Maybe he could be a second chance to this girl too.

“I’m not too sure about this” he admitted, “But where can we find her?”

❖ ❖ ❖

Her name was Marinette and she was Adrien’s high school crush. Luka quickly resented the idea at first, receiving a playful laugh from Adrien, being told that “since nothing happened, then there’s nothing to feel guilty about.” He continued to explain that halfway through college when his career was picking up, he was moved closer to the center of the city and he wasn’t able to see her much after that. They kept in contact, but it was more platonic than anything else. “Aren’t you worried that she has dated someone between then and now. What happens if she’s dating someone and our whole plan goes up in smoke?”

“Well, in that case, I’ll just wait until you fall in love on your own” Adrien joked.

Luka coughed out a chuckle, but in reality that might have been the better way to go, though that wouldn’t have been the best option for him. Luka took a stroll through Paris as Adrien told him stories of how Marinette’s family owns a bakery. They were rather famous, if Luka had heard of them, and Marinette used to always being macarons to share with her classmates. He would go on about how they didn’t get along at first, but he still remembers the color in her eyes and how it reflected such a serene blue like an ocean’s bay or how her voice was soft like a cloudy day. Luka imagined the face behind this lover that could cause a ghost to speak so much volume, as if he was sitting at his desk writing down an entire album filled with love songs. He felt as if he had met and almost fell in love in such a short amount of time with him. He lived a lifetime, swimming across the words Adrien told, dancing among the memories as if time was nothing more than a set of music notes on a blank sheet music.

“You really loved her” Luka inquired as his feet dragged him along the sidewalk.

“I still do, it’s hard not to” the older answered, his eyes trailing the pavement they walked on.

“Then why didn’t you confess?”

“It just didn’t seem right at the time. As time moved on, I never had the opportunity to. I was always waiting for that right moment and it never came.”

Luka would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous of such love. After he was diagnosed with an extreme case of arrhythmia, he lost a part of himself. It was ironic that all he wanted to do was be a musician yet even his heartbeat was irregular. He didn’t have time for love or dreams: those years were spent worrying about whether he would have survived to live until his next birthday. All those years he spent his time at hospital visits or being hospitalized. All those years: of course he didn’t have time to experience any kind of love, whether or not it would be okay to simply dream of another life.

All these thoughts drowned Luka as it sent needles into the deepest caverns of his heart. It spiraled in him how much time he may have wasted that his surroundings quickly meant nothing to him. He didn’t hear the bustling talk of people or the tapping of their walk. He didn’t see the sign of the light turn red or the sudden protest of Adrien. It wasn’t until a car blared its horn and Luka had his face hit pavement that his senses enhanced him back into reality.

“A-Adrien…” he stuttered in a mix of fear and shock. His gaze fluttered like a lost bee in a garden surrounded by flowers. People watched him stunned on the ground, their whispers inaudible due to his thoughts of Adrien. He could recall Adrien warning him, but he couldn’t have saved him; _ where was Adrien _?

His gaze finally caught sight of him, but their eyes didn’t meet; his eyes were in a daze beyond Luka. “Hey! Hey, are you alright?! Are you hurt?!”

Luka stared above him and met eyes with his rescuer. Her porcelain skin made Luka realize how the sun loved others more in the way it gleamed against the sunlight. He observed the peaks of sweat that curled her sable hair of her fringe that casted it into a navy blue afterglow. He stared at how her hair was combed into two perfectly sized pigtails and how the sun shed light into her azure eyes was breathtaking, like he was staring at the clear blue sky above them. His rescuer colored him with charcoal, the shadows loomed as she hovered on top of him. 

Adrien didn’t have to utter the word he kept lodged in his throat, the spur in Luka’s heart spoke for him. The way it twisted into itself as if the movement of his blood across the chambers of his heart were conducting a symphony: Luka already knew what Adrien had put into a singular word next to him. “Marinette…”


End file.
